Becoming Me in my 20's: The Journey No One's Seen

There was a time in my life when I didn't have a place to call home, or even a bed to sleep in. I moved to LA, one of the most glamorous cities in the world and yet I was homeless at 20. I know, shocking. If you're close to me you know my story and thankfully I've never been scared to share it. Most people are shocked after I tell them becasue of how I presented myself then and now. If you met me then, you would’ve never known that's how my life was. I was struggling financially; I was questioning myself, my worth, my path really and if I would truly ever make it. I remember I moved to LA and was living at my cousins house and it was good, but it was also an hour plus from LA, where I actually wanted to be. I stayed at there house for a couple months, then my 2 friends asked if I wanted to move into there apartment and sleep on there couch for the month till we all found a place together. And at that time I was like okay, I'll be in LA, not paying rent and I'll be getting a place with my friends soon. Fuck ya I'm doing it. I moved into there house and everything is good till it wasn't. A lot of things happened that made it to where me and one of my friends had to move out, and definitely not how we planned on moving out. I was then sleeping in my car, Airbnb's and if you've ever arrived at LAX, you've seen that creepy Motel 6 right next to it, yes guys I've stayed there too. Now let me say this, I ALWAYS had a job, and yes I could've gone back to my parents house but I was determined to make it work and figured it out. To this day, I've seen both of those friends change their lives for the better and they're still very close friends of mine, we experienced a lot together in that short amount of time. I think we were all honestly trying to silently survive.

But heres the truth to it all: I never once gave up on myself.

Fast Forward a year. I had moved back home for 8 months, then moved to San Fransisco to stay with some friends that had just started managing a Barnes and Nobles down there. I had a job lined up and I moved in with them very quickly. Funny thing was, I was still sleeping on a couch lol. But heres the thing, I was in a great headspace and doing much better, and about to be living with some of my favorite people and they were doing great in life themselves. I was there for 5 or 6 months then I decided I wanted to go to cosmotogloy school so I did. I moved back down to LA after not living there for about a year and a half, and it was so good, it was different. I had started school, was meeting great people and then 3 weeks in, COVID HAPPENED. School shut down and I moved back home... What a time that was, doing cosmetology school online in my parents living room. Definitely not how I was envisioning things going in my early 20s, but if you know me, and if you haven't caught on already as a reader and new person in my life, I'm very go with the flow, I'll try anything for a good story and an experience. That's what life is about.

After everything was going back "normal" I was able to be back in-person, and boy was that a fucking shit show. Imagine what doctors look like when they're going into surgery THAT'S what I looked like doing hair at school because the rules became so strict. Cool thing about it all though, I was living with one of my friends from school. Her and her family let me move into their home and her and I got to go through this together. Her family was great and I believe that people come into your life at the right time, especially when you need them most. Me and her shared a room, a bed in fact, sometimes it would be me her and her brother in bed watching tv falling asleep together. It was such a fun life experience for me because I didn't grow up with siblings like that at all, my brother is 16 years older than me, so to be apart of that brother sister relationship was a great feeling. People come and go in life and like I said some are just meant to be there for a season when you need them most, you both end up helping each more than you know. I appricate her and her family so much for taking me in and sharing there literal person space with me lol. Forever wishing them the best, and thanking them for being apart of my journey.

Once I graduated cosmotology school I started working at a hair salon, I was still living with my friend and her family, but I knew it was coming to an end, not because something happened, but because it was time to move on to the next chapter. When I started working at the salon, I met one of my best friends, my soul sister I would say. I think it was 2 or 3 days of knowing her and we were inseparable and already talking about moving in together. That next week we were apartment hunting like crazy and we found OUR DREAM APARTMENT! The day we viewed the apartment, we signed papers that day, we were moved in that following day pretty much. This was my first apartment in LA and let me tell you I wasn't sure if this was ever gonna happen. From a girl who was down bad her first round in LA to this, this moment felt unreal. We lived there together for a little over a year and then she moved back to New Jersey and I stayed and got another roommate. I've been beyond blessed that I've always had fantastic roommates. And let me tell you, that was one of my favorite roommate experiences EVER. But remember this was also my first apartment and honestly I was like oh shit, now I have a $1,300 monthly bill on top of my other bills, and kinda started to freak out. I was working 3 jobs and then I also started interning for a stylist I had Dm'd on Instargram, and we all DREAD the word interning because no dollar signs are by that lol. But hey we love a good opportunity and I will never pass one up.

LA is not for the weak. Also, I swear that I run better when my schedule is filled to the brim and I'm running on 5 hrs of sleep haha. Hey, I like to be busy sue me.

This is around the time life started to really change for me, the stylist I was interning for, his assistant couldn't attend a shoot with another stylist so he referred me to her and that following week, I was on set GETTING PAID! I'm on set styling some of the biggest names in the industry. I'm working in rooms I used to only dream about being in. Edda was great, still to this day she is someone I admire and look up to so much, I worked with her on some of the biggest projects in my career. I was shocked at how my life was going working with her. I ended up doing the Grammys with her and Lizzo, Coachella with her and Bjork, I was working with Bebe Rexah, shopping for Usher, and so many other big talented artist and big events with her, and gradually, my name got passed around to so many stylist and I was getting booked so often.

I was shocked that this was how my life was, or when you go back to your small hometown and you're at the bars and people come up to you saying there so proud of you. You kinda feel taken back, like no way this is real, if only they knew how I was a few years ago in LA. You then start to remind yourself how far you've gotten, and you should be so proud of yourself.

None of this happened over night. It happened because I never gave up, I kept going even at my lowest points.

Being on your own journey means it's not always going to look like everyone else's. And thats the beauty of it. My story isn't straight or polished at all-- there were so many messy detours, loneliness and doubt. But there was also growth, healing, and transformation, and my people always cheering me on even at my lowest points. I've never been ashamed of my story, or of who I am and the choices I've made. Everyone has there low moments, and if someone says they haven't, they're either lying or honestly, in my opinion kinda unfortunate because these are the moments that shape who we are. I always saw the end goal, I always knew I'd be okay.

Remember, you don't have to have it all figured out, I was 20 years old when I moved to LA and thought I knew everything, turns out I had no fucking clue. But now I'm 27, and I've accomplished so much more than I could have imagined. I know social media makes us feel differently, like we need to know everything now but we don't. Be true to yourself. You don't have to be "there" yet. You have to keep showing up for yourself, even when life gets ugly.

I went from being invisible in one of the biggest cities to styling people the world knows by name. That didn't happen because I was lucky. It happened because I was ready when the door opened, and I stayed ready even when no one was watching.

Wherever you are right now, keep going. Don't rush your journey. Don't compare it. Your path is building something real. And when it's your time, you'll walk in with a story so powerful no one can ignore it.

You are becoming everything you once prayed for.

Trust your own journey.